So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
