Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
