but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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