He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
