conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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