Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
