Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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