I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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