and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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