how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
