I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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