I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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