remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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