she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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