Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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