Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
