Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
