you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize