how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
