oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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