I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
