Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
