he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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