He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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