my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
