What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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