I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
