My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
