Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
