Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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