I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
