I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the day after is always just damage control
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize