Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
