Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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