How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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