I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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