Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
