i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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