I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
