My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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