im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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