Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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