first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
