i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
