dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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