have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
