when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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