Already got asked if we're dating
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
