Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
