I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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