I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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