Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
