Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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