Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
