Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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