i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
