Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
