i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
