Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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