Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
