Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize