I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
