I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
