So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize