and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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