I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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