she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
