the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
