So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
