you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
