She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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