Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
