This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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