The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
