If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
