I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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