So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Houston, we have a squirter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
