dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
