Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize