y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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