I want to walk on stilts...naked
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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