I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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