my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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