My friends, they love my intelligence
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
