apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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