Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
