Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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